Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
