I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
