I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
