My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
where are my eyebrows?
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