so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
pray to the hookup gods
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
