saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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