I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
