Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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