Moan for me like Helen Keller
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
