ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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