I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
