Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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