3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
