i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
