how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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