I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
