I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
