Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
