I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
