after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
