I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
