Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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