mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
