If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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