Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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