Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
