When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
