HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When did angry sex become our thing?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
