I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
