when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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