At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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