i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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