that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
