So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need Xanax blowdarts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
