Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
high people should be assigned attendants
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
