At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
