Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
