Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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