I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
