Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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