Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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