I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
