Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
