Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
