Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
