Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
