Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize