Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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