i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
