he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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