just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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