I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
