I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
