who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
