His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
