I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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