It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize