I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
