Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
