She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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