Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
