We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
