The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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