K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
