I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
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I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick