Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
