she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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