she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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