I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
