I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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