Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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