dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
