Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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