It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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