Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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