so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
