the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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