Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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