I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
