I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
